A Letter to my 20 year old self

There was recently a rush of posts in the blogosphere of people giving advice to their younger selves (http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/because-im-the-mom/201007/what-would-you-say-your-20-year-old-self) and I thought in honor of my birthday tomorrow I would offer my 20 year old self, 11 years my younger, some heartfelt advice.

Dear 20-year-old Sarah,

Your 20s are a great decade overall. They get a rocky start, but by the end you will not believe you are the same person you were at the beginning. And really, you're not. You learn so much and grow into adulthood in this time. I do have some advice for you for this decade.

You are about to go through two very hard years. There will be heartbreak. You will make the wrong choices when it comes to what to put into your body. You will chose the wrong friends and let the right ones go to the wayside (and you will miss them in the long run). You will even know that some (most) of these are the wrong choices at the time, but do them anyway. I wish you would listen to your instincts. I wish I could spare you the pain, but that is part of what makes you you. There are life lessons to be learnt here, and you do learn them.

You will apologize to your mother for how you treated her when you were a teenager. She will forgive you long before you forgive yourself. In fact, she's already forgiven you. You will feel better knowing that she will not go to her grave not knowing how sorry you are. Forgiveness of the self is hopefully forthcoming, but even from my point, you're not there yet. I'm working on it.

You will find love, it won't be long, and it will be the right kind of love when you find it - the kind that nourishes your soul. But first you have to learn to love yourself - REALLY love yourself for who you are, then the true you will shine through and you will find someone who loves you for who you are and appreciates you. It is worth the trials and the waiting, I promise.

I know you long to have a baby. Don't worry, it will happen, and it will happen at the right time. So just relax and enjoy your life before children. It REALLY changes after you have kids, and you will not be as free to do things that you want to do or like to do once you have a little person. You will not regret it, but you should enjoy the life you have now.

Don't be an idiot. Go back and register for classes. Apply yourself - when you do, you do great. You know now what you want to study, you just have to make yourself do well at those courses you need to complete the requirements for your associates degree. Then you can transfer to the University and really shine. Don't worry, you will leave that GPA behind at the community college, and when you get to the University you will make the Dean's List every term. And you'll feel damn good about it too.

Stop smoking so much. You will still enjoy life when you do. You still enjoy life when you quit. You don't have to be high to have fun. Some of those movies you think are hilarious, aren't. And the ones that are really good and deep, you can't remember the plot lines anyway.

Spend more time with your family. You will really miss them when you move away. More than you can possibly imagine at this point in your life.

When your first child is born it will be a very scary time. Please know you will all get through it okay. The promises you make her in the hospital you will keep, and you will learn that you can be calm and collected under extreme stress. It's a rough start to parenthood, but you will handle it well. Try to remember the fears and love you felt in those first few days when she grows into a child who sometimes makes you crazy. Her strong personality is what gets her through everything in life, it's just not always easy to deal with.

You know what? You learn to cook, and you do it really quite well if I do say so myself. Don't worry, you're specialty won't be quesadillas forever.

Your things are just things. They don't really mean anything to you, so stop carting them around. Especially all those books. That big building downtown? It's called the library. Use it, save yourself money and your friends' backs when they help you move (which you do multiple times in your 20s - nine more times in fact!). That said, try not to lose your Baby Book. You did somewhere along the line, and you really wish you still had it once your own children are born.

Learn to follow a sewing pattern, it makes your projects so much easier! Some day you can wing it, but you have to get more experience first. That machine Mom gave you will get a lot of mileage, you should thank her for it now.

You are on the verge of happiness; you will see looking back how much you grow during this decade. You will find yourself, you will be confident in your choices, happy with who you are, secure in your ability to make well-researched and carefully considered choices. You will do right by those you love and who love you. And for the people in your life who are most important, they will love you despite your mistakes, so go ahead and make them and learn their lessons.