Health-induced hiatus

It has been a long month, friends. Actually, I find myself shocked that not only has July passed me by, but we are now into the middle of August.

Over the past 4 weeks I have been dealing with some very intense reactions from my body to detoxing. I wasn't really even intending to do a full detox, but made some mistakes, and went against intuitions (never a good thing), and have really been through the wringer this past month. I'm going to try to sum up the events of the past six weeks or so.

Backing up all the way to April of this year, I had several (6?) mercury fillings removed from my mouth. By just a regular dentist who is not a believer in the idea that mercury in fillings can cause harm. These had to come out because they were cracked, and there was decay around and under them, they were old, from when I was a young teen.

Toward the end of June I came to realize that there is a protocol one should follow when having amalgams removed to protect the body from the mercury vapor that is released when drilled in to... it may, in fact, be SAFER to keep mercury fillings that are intact in the teeth. Anyway, I realized this protocol was not at all followed when I had mine removed, and I was having some signs of heavy metals in my body (headaches, irritability). So I decided to start taking some bentonite clay internally to absorb that which was in my gut, and floating around freely. To my great folly, at this time I also started drinking kombucha, which is something that really shouldn't be initiated whilst breastfeeding, and was certainly bad for me. I came to learn that kombucha has a bacteria in it that kills off candida. Many would think this is a good thing, as we have come to think of candida as a bad thing in our bodies, but really, when it is not in overgrowth/dysbiosis, it is a good yeast to have in your body, for it binds up toxins including heavy metals. Perhaps I would have been okay if I had stopped at this point, and just continued with the clay to work out the toxins from the kombucha and the filling removals. But sadly, at this point (early July), I went against the tiny voice of caution in my head, and went ahead with a new "health" protocol to try to balance out some issues I'd been having (thyroid, reproductive). I started taking liquid iodine at this point, which CAN cause a flush. I *knew* it could and probably would do this, but somehow I felt it would be a normal flush sort of thing - a week of feeling flu like symptoms, before starting to feel improvement.

Sadly, this was not the case for me. Seven days after taking the iodine, clay, and the "support" nutrients for the iodine, I was starting to not feel well. Actually, on the fifth day I had a detox headache, a bad one, but managable, and on the sixth day I felt well, remarked to Ali that I was actually feeling better than I had in some time. On the seventh day I took a magnesium/vitamin C fizzing cocktail for detox support, and felt, well, odd. Jittery, not myself, not well. I thought, maybe it's the vitamin C, and that evening, having at this point lost all wisdom, prepared myself a magnesium drink on it's own (mind you, I was NOT taking even over the RDI of magnesium, but apparently, it was causing flushing). Within 30 minutes, I was jittery, wanting to crawl out of my skin, my heart felt like it was racing and I couldn't catch my breath. I realized that I was having a panic attack, and tried walking. Walking helped, but didn't take my mind off it. It lasted 2 hours. The following day, I felt very sick, sour stomach, no appetitite, aversion to water. I took nothing this day, I was having minor panic attacks lasting 2 hours, with about an hour in between them. The following day was the same, but in the night I had another major panic attack. The next day was Friday and I went in to see the doctor, she put me on clonazepam for the anxiety, which did help. But I was having many palpitations, and started off on a very low dose of the clonazepam, and Sunday, I went to the ER. Of course it was just a panic attack and they couldn't help me, but told me to take more of the antianxiety meds.

Tuesday, a week after the first of the attacks, I drove up to Dubuque to see an acupuncturist who specializes in detoxing and heavy metals, and I actually felt okay after seeing her. She put me on a bunch of stuff, vitamin, Chinese herbs, and brown seaweed for chelation. The rest of the week, I felt okay, better even, but the following Monday I saw my chiropractor, and again started to feel worse. I suspected the seaweed, which is high in iodine, and stopped it. Tuesday and Wednesday, I felt more of the stomachaching, and the aversion to water, and Thursday, when I saw the chiropractor again, I was in a sad state - literally very tearful, crying, the panic attacks were back, and they brought their friend depression along for fun. I saw the acupuncturist again the next day, and she encouraged me to think about DMSA, a stronger chelator, and agreed with me that I may have an iodine sensitivity (I am nearly certain I do). I felt terrible the next two days, and on Sunday called her and told her I would like to try the DMSA. At THIS point, she told me I'd have to wean for at least 5 days while the DMSA was in my system. I knew I couldn't wean Elyas cold turkey like that, especially not in my very emotional depressed state, so I said "no". I read a bit more about DMSA and felt really good about the decision not to take it.

That brings us up to this past week. Tuesday, I had an adjustment, and that night, again, felt worse, though not as bad as the weekend. Wednesday, I had acupuncture with a practioner here in Iowa City, whom I liked much more than the woman in Dubuque, and it was very gentle, and while I still felt not great, it wasn't so bad. Thursday, I had a therapy appointment, and that, in someways, was the most helpful of any of my appointments to date. She took me through a guided meditation, reassured me that there is a part of me somewhere within that can heal myself from this, get through this depression, anxiety and utter exhaustion.

I am physically exhausted, more than I have ever been. Unlike a usual illness, I have no idea when this will all end, so it is taxing mentally. I feel like I have lost my roots, my intuition. I also feel like I am getting better, but I am still having detox symptoms, and still having mental health issues. I'm actually having a shadow of pain in my back, in a kidneyish sort of way. I'm trying to think only healing thoughts, trying to get through this. Many times I have wished I never began this detox protocol, but as you know, if wishes were ponies, then beggars would ride. I have come to a place of acceptance that this is how it is right now, and that I can and will get through this. One day at a time.