Gratitude: 15

Today I am thankful for therapists.  I had a visit with my therapist and (in another example of the Universe converging) she asked me about something I'd been thinking of that more - when my anxiety began. I knew that I didn't have an anxiety disorder when I was younger, and yet at some point it took hold. I had thought about it in the car on the drive over and determined my anxiety had started at some point after becoming a mother.  We were talking this morning and she asked me to tell her the story of Leila's heart condition.  As I told the story, strong feelings came up: the fear, the desperation have a baby that lived.  Halfway through the story she stopped me and told me this was a traumatic event. I never thought of it as a traumatic event for me, but when she said the words they resonated with me strongly.  It was a traumatic point in my life and yet I have spent so much time trying to feel happy that I had baby who made it through miraculously, and trying to be grateful for what I had, instead of dealing with the very heavy feeling that came with having a child with a serious disorder. Just naming that event as traumatic gave me a power that I didn't realize I needed and a recognition that I need to sit with these feelings, and own them. We always have work to do in this life but the work we do on ourselves may be the most important. I'm grateful that our insurance allows me this opportunity to work on my self, and that I found someone meshes well with my belief system, and that I feel called to do this work. I think this is going to be a really wonderful year.